you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
