you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
