He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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