I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
