your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
