he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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