don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
