Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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