I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
