He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
