just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
