i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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