Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
