Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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