Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.