last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality