There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
