It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
