Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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