wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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