now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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