No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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