I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
