it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
