I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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