i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
