I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
