problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
