i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
