I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
MIDGETS
????
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
