I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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