she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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