im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
