i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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