Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
