giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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