What did we do last night that was yellow?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
