I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize