I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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