you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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