Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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