What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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