i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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