I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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