So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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