You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
