we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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