I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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