This girl is more easily done than said...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
