It's Friday. Sex?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Alive.
So much puke
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
