you win again, gameday.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
