i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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