Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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