What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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