stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
then he tried to convert me to islam
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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