i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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