??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
