a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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