was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
