she was so not down for the gang bang
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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