You're completely useless in the revolution.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
