Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
