mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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