highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
