I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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