Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
