i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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