Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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