are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
