Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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