i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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