May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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