some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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