just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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