WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
