I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
