my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
