I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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