That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
