Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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