In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
