thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
