Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
